


Richie’s Pieces Missing

by girlswillbewomen



Series: the pieces missing [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Bad coping mechanisms, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, References to Depression, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenage Losers Club (IT), Unreliable Narrator, all the fun stuff, but again, no pennywise, no slow burn we fall in love fast like men, teenage feelings, this is just after pennywise age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26070625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlswillbewomen/pseuds/girlswillbewomen
Summary: After some time Eddie was the one to finally speak up. “Did you just...kiss me to shut me up?”After a beat I nodded sheepishly behind the guard of my hands.“So...if I start back ranting will you kiss me again?” he said softly.Slowly I looked up from my hands and knees to see him fidgeting with his thimble he picked as his monopoly piece. I could not believe he just said that. Does Eddie like me too? Have I been at the helm of a great love story for the last few years and didn’t know it?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: the pieces missing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892635
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	1. the calm, family friendly game of monopoly

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo! it is I, miranda. but none of u would know that because is my first fic lol I was trying to sleep one night and wrote this in my head and then was like fuck it i’ll write fic for the first time since I was 12 maybe it’ll be a little better. hopefully that turns out to be true but i’ll let u be the judge.
> 
> anyway this is one part in a series going to be told from both richie and eddie’s pov’s. I’m going to post them both at the same time and whatever one you want to read first you can. or you can just read one to completion and read the other one after. but jsyk i’m taking the unreliable narrator thing very seriously so prepare to be upset at some conflict later on lol
> 
> thank you so much if you read this and most importantly thank you max, hazel, and diana for beta-ing this (esp hazel who has never and will never be into it but is just a Good Friend) I am forever indebted to your comments and hype you’ve given me could not put this out without you
> 
> enjoy! 💖

So here’s the thing: I like Eddie Kaspbrak. Like...like like. Which is a dumb phrase but important to clarify due to the fact that I am a guy. And Eddie’s a guy. And..well...I mean I’m not Elton John! I’m Richie Tozier from Derry, Maine. Guys don’t like guys here! If they do they end up either dead or in New York. And I’m fourteen. So it’s either win the lottery and convince my mom an evil clown is living in Derry eating children, or keep my feelings inside so I don’t die before I can get out of here in four years.

Anyway, as I said: Eddie Kaspbrak. We’ve known each other for twelve years and he’s the most annoying little shit I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with. He’s my best friend. He hates my jokes and generally can’t stand being around me (or so he says) and yet every weekend, or week night, or random Tuesday afternoon you can find us together, riding down to the quarry to swim in questionable water, at the Aladdin watching the dumbest yet most entertaining scary movies, or just hanging out in my room trying to play a perfect game of Monopoly. Or, he is. I’m trying to make as many jokes as I can about how outdated monopoly is because rich people go to jail in the game. This is the situation we find ourselves in on the fine day I put my hardcore liking of Edward Kaspbrak into action. It was indeed a random Tuesday afternoon. One right before school started the next Monday. The Losers’ Club (our friend group who loves Eddie and tolerates me) are all meeting up Friday for a high school send off for the ages. We’re gonna go out to the clubhouse and have a sleepover as we reminisce on the easy life we’ve left behind in middle school. This of course, being factitious in that not one of the Losers has had an easy time since birth, much less middle school.

Bill, our fearless leader, had to go through the pain of experiencing his brother in the hospital. The Denbrough’s got into an accident one summer on the way to the campsite they go to annually and Georgie was the one left with the damage. He’s alive and well but boy was it a bitch going through his four month stay at the hospital following. Unfortunately, he can never walk again. Fortunately, there’s never been anyone stronger than Georgie Denbrough and he’s already on a wheelchairs only junior basketball team. Which he started. Because he’s the biggest seven year old badass in the world. Anyway, life hasn’t been so easy for Bill since he’s convinced himself he saw Georgie’s seatbelt unclick right before they wrecked. We’ve told him countless times that the grief from the hospital fucked with his mind enough to convince him of that bullshit but unfortunately he still believes it. He says he doesn’t anymore. But the Losers aren’t some group of distant acquaintances. We‘re not even just friends. We’re family. And we know when a member is hurting. Thankfully he’s growing out of this grief. Day by day, as he sees how happy Georgie will always be.

Mike, well, Mike is a black boy in Derry, Maine in the 1990s. It’s getting better but it’s still a hell none of us in the group will ever imagine living in. We’ve fought for him, we’ve fought with him, protested, and kept our paths as far away from the police as we can but we all know the world we live in. Sometimes even we mess up. But no one is more caring than Mike. He learns it from his grandfather who is harsh but knows the ropes better than any of us could. Mike acts like nothing’s ever hurt him a day in his life but unfortunately we’ve seen people strip away his humanity from him without a second thought. One day he’ll live in a prejudice free world, but for now he lives with us. Proud to be black and proud to be a Loser. So, yeah. He’s gone through some shit too.

Stanley the manly is apart of the original four that consisted of Bill, Eddie, and I. We’ve known him since we were kids and while he did have little “quirks” we all knew it as a part of him. Unfortunately, those “quirks” got worse as he got older. They started hindering him from enjoyment of things. And eventually those “quirks” turned into an OCD diagnosis. On his meds he’s gotten better, and with his friends encouragement he’s gone from a crippling fear of anything less than perfect to a more even keel handling of not so great situations. It’s still a struggle, but his ability to stand up to his dad and tell him something wasn’t right was the bravest thing he ever had to do and he’s pretty sure he can take on the world now. (I was pretty sure since the moment I met him but he’s stubborn with himself.)

Ben, the newest guy to our testosterone filled group has dealt with struggles due to the world being full of idiots and his heart being too big to retaliate. He’s always been on the heavier side but that’s never made the Losers love him any less. However, the same can not be said for the rest of the town of Derry. When you really get to know him, and know his mother is terrified of not loving him enough, and he has no way of telling her she’s doing a good job without eating everything on his plate, you’ll know that his body mass is 90% heart. And he knows this too. Even being severely fucked up by bullies he’s the most confident man in his body image that I’ve ever seen not just at fourteen but ever. He’s a beast on the football field, already recruited for varsity at the new school and he can house three Twinkies in under a minute. A testament to resilience and an inspiration for us all.

Bev is the platonic love of my life. She’s been smoking since ten because her shit of a dad has never loved another soul much less his daughter. There were times when I didn’t know if I could keep from going to her house and giving that scary man a piece of my mind. It may be a very weak piece but it’s the strongest I would have had. But Bev is strong. What years she will lack from smoking she’s gained by facing death and slamming the fucking door on its face. She got out of that house. She got out of the tight, deathly grips of her abusive piece of shit father and convinced her aunt to continue to raise her in Derry. Because however much crap she faced here, she loved Derry. Well - not Derry so much as Derry’s residents. Six to be exact. And one in particular. But we’ll get into that later.

Eddie Spaghetti has also had a hard time. Like I said, we’re a fucked up group. But he’s not fucked up. He’s not that far from perfect, in fact. What’s fucked up is his demon of a mother so worried about her son breaking when she can’t see that what she’s done is made him tougher than anyone. Eddie really is the toughest of us all. I’ve never met someone braver. Well, I’ve never met a boy braver. (There really is no one like Beverly.) There is no way in hell I would be able every night to go home to that mother, look her in the eyes, and not flip her off and ride my bike to the nearest stable parent I knew. I didn’t know what emotional abuse was until I met Sonia Kaspbrak. She is a manipulative, unfeeling, heartless woman who I want to take Eddie away from as soon as I can. But this isn’t about her. This is about how Eddie overcame her emotional manipulation essentially giving him made up asthma and fought through the clean eating disorder she perpetuated in him because he was twelve and couldn’t very well tell his mother she’s killing him. This is about how Eddie works very hard to look the part because he’s learned that pleasing his mother with appearances and living like an actual fourteen year old when he’s with the people he actually cares about is so much easier than fighting everyday and being helpless to the whims of an overprotective, deeply sad mother who will try to work her problems out through her child until he suffers from them. I could never imagine having his strength.

Anyway, then there’s me. A no good class clown trouble maker with coke bottle glasses and an absentee father. My life isn’t that hard. Living in the closet in the Nineties is pretty rough but other than that my depressive episodes and dangerous thoughts haven’t happened in like two months. So I’m ready for a problem free high school experience! That is until I kissed Eddie Kaspbrak.

—————————————————————

So, I mentioned monopoly. I wanted to hang out with Eddie because I always want to hang out with Eddie but this time was different. There was no reason for it to be. Apart from a change in date not much else was different for us. Maybe possibly there was a change in tone? We both got our high school schedules yesterday. We weren’t able to see each other right after because Sonia took Eddie to the school and cried about him growing up for the rest of the day aka suffocating him for hours while he tried getting ready for said school. So he snuck out today while my mom was at work (since she’d tell Sonia he was here and he’d be in trouble), and we discussed our schedules over the calm, family friendly game of Monopoly.

I guess that’s where the tone changed. He’s taking a bunch of classes I’ve never seen and I’m in a bunch of classes with the letters AP in front of them. He’s in none of them. When we were in middle school we had some classes apart but the majority of our time was spent with each other. When he showed me his schedule it became kind of real that I wouldn’t be able to see him easily every second of every day.

“But hey! Look! We have the same lunch period! And I’m pretty sure all freshmen do too so we can be with the Losers to discuss how sucky high school is.” Eddie says with a laugh.

He’s never positive with the rest of the group but he knows I’m never negative until I let my guard down and I never let my guard down for hardly anyone but him. I was disappointed. And it showed on my face.

“I mean, I guess that’s alright. It just fucking sucks I can’t see Eddie Spaghetti more than one hour a day during school.” I joke but barely enough to sound anything more than me just flat out complaining.

“Look,” he says as he reaches out to place his hand near mine. Never on it but always near it. “it’s gonna suck. But we’re still best friends. I won’t go finding another class clown in fucking Honours Algebra.” He laughs then reaches his hand up to my cheek, “You’re the only idiot for me.”

I smack his hand away as we both laugh because I am, indeed, an idiot. We get our Monopoly and prepare ourselves for the four hour session we’re about to embark on and I forget everything I worried about because I’m spending time with Eddie and that’s really all that matters.

We get around the board a couple times and my hoarding of money ruins Eddie’s plans of a perfect game as I get almost every high rent property on the board in under an hour. He’s okay with that, though. He ends up getting almost every other one and we’re both on the verge of being bankrupt when I get locked in jail. I start my diatribe about how someone with this much power and influence in real estate would never experience jail time in real world America which leads Eddie to consider the justice system and by consider I mean shit on it for almost an uninterrupted hour.

“You know there was this idiot group of ‘private investigators’ called the Pinkertons in the 1890s who were like the start of the police made only for the privileged and they had a fucking shoot off with this steel labour union because Carnegie wouldn’t give them a living wage. What’s hilarious is the fucking ‘boys in blue’ tried to surrender what? Four times and they just kept shooting down their flag. Oh to have the balls of that labour union.”

Eddie was going supersonic. I think he kind of forgot we were playing Monopoly. At any other time this would be adorably endearing but at the moment I honestly did not want to think about learning and school and his monologue on labour unions sounded a lot like that. My annoyance got the better of me and I had a lot of strong feelings that didn’t know how to express themselves but at this point they were in control and I was not responsible for how I was going to shut this boy up.

“I mean Carnegie was a man FOR the people before this he was a guy who actually cared for labour unions until it came to him actually losing workers-“ His rant stopped due to me grabbing his face and pushing it against mine.

If you told me today is the day I would be kissing Eddie Kaspbrak I’d probably say “What no I’m not gay!” and secretly be looking forward to it. But this was not something to look forward to. I have never kissed a human in my life much less my best friend. Who was a guy. I was in the complete dark about the mechanics and pretty much just slapped our faces together for (most likely) an inordinate amount of time. Eventually, when I realised what I was actually doing and the consequences of it I released Eddie from the death grip I was holding him in and sunk behind my knees and hands.

We probably sat like that for a solid five minutes. Him stunned, me mortified. Just a couple of fourteen year olds in the nineties in a terrifying situation. I didn’t have a joke to get out of this. I didn’t even have a word in any part of my brain. My mind was blank, my heart was racing, and my lips were tinged with something that I’m sure was the worst thing I could possibly do.

After some time Eddie was the one to finally speak up. “Did you just...kiss me to shut me up?”

After a beat I nodded sheepishly behind the guard of my hands.

“So...if I start back ranting will you kiss me again?” he said softly.

Slowly I looked up from my hands and knees to see him fidgeting with his thimble he picked as his monopoly piece. I could not believe he just said that. Does Eddie like me too? Have I been at the helm of a great love story for the last few years and didn’t know it?

“I don’t think we need the pretence of you ranting anymore to get to the good part.” I said with the new confidence I gained in the last minute. I reached forward again to take his cheek into my hand and more gently placed my lips on his.

I petition for this to be considered our first kiss because there’s never been a kiss softer. We both knew it was coming and both knew who it was coming from. It wasn’t as rushed and was more sweet and passionate. I leaned back a little so I wasn’t completely stretched over the Monopoly board and as Eddie moved to follow me he disconnected and exclaimed “Fuck!” as his knee landed on my Park Place hotel.

I just laughed and he did too, his forehead resting on mine. “I think that means I win, Eds.”

“Fuck you!” he exclaimed, punching me in the arm and going back to his original position, two feet too far away. “You only had $20 left! You were so close to being bankrupt. Also don’t call me Eds!” he laughed as he started picking up the pieces of the game and putting them away.

“What! You can’t just forfeit the game I want to take all your money!”

“Um, at this moment I’d like to have a clear shot to your lips but we can surely continue playing if that’s what you’d rather do.” He said in a snarky manner that I’d never seen on him before and, um, honestly was quite into.

“Man who knew kissing your best friend would give you so much confidence, Eds.” I winked at him and helped sort through the money that would have been mine if we kept playing. But I guess it’s okay that we’re stopping.

He threw his thimble at me and I retaliated with my race car only to stop dead in my tracks when I heard my mom’s car coming up the driveway. Shit. If my mom sees Eddie she’s gonna call his mom and then he’s gonna be in even more of a lockdown level than usual which is already pretty rough.

“Shit you gotta go like now.” I say as I get up to see my mom getting out of her car. Thankfully our talkative neighbour grabbed her right as she got up and began a monologue about something I’m sure would take at least fifteen minutes.

“Man just as I was getting some action.” Eddie joked. I was truly seeing this boy’s confidence go through the roof in the last ten minutes.

“Ha ha very funny but for real you have fifteen minutes tops before she comes in here and gossips to your dear old mum that you’re not at an all day health clinic at Keene’s.” He really does come up with some of the best covers.

“Okay okay I’m going. But before I do I just have something for you.” He says as he gets up and walks to me. I thought he was going to be cheeky and kiss me again but he leans into my ear and whispers “That’ll be $400 for landing on my railroad,” as he hands me his property card for Pennsylvania Railroad.

He knows he’s a little shit AND very late so he runs out of the room to his bike that he had sense enough to park in the backyard so he could sneak off my property without getting any glances from the gossip mom committee. I follow him and flip him off through the window which he responds with a kiss he blows my way which I catch and keep to remind me of this weird yet perfect day.

My mom comes in flustered with the aftermath of talking to Ms. Josie and gives me a kiss on the forehead. “You seem jolly today,” she observes.

“Oh I just played a heated round of Monopoly with myself and I totally crushed my own game. But the other guy is a sore loser.” I lied.

“Well go talk to the other guy and make sure he’s ready for dinner in thirty.” She said as she went to the kitchen setting her purse and keys at the door.

“Okayyyyy” I sing songed as I ran upstairs to find a frame for the railroad card Eddie had given me. I had a feeling I’d want to remember today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you’d like the chapter that coincides with this but from eddie’s pov is linked [ here ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26071219/chapters/63409285). it’s not required for the story but would behoove your understanding a bit more :•)
> 
> thanks again for reading! let me know what you think in the comments!!
> 
> also bug me on tumblr if you want @ridinonmyskateboard


	2. neosporin can't fix everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing feels more like freedom than riding through the cool summer afternoon right before sunset with my best friend (and object of my affection) standing on our bikes and yelling about who’s better at Street Fighter while smelling the scent of the trees on the cusp of autumn. It seemed too perfect to be true, the feeling that comes with absolute freedom. And sharing that freedom made me momentarily forget about the man staying over with my mom tonight and the mess I’d have to clean up tomorrow morning. His presence could even make me forget the fact that we’d have to see our friends in ten minutes and either tell them the truth and face whatever reaction they had or hide the best thing that’s happened to me all summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! if you're coming back thank you! this whole story kind of has taken on a life of its own and I feel like it's going to be longer than I originally planned so people reading it helps me know that maybe it's okay because people enjoy it haha
> 
> this chapter specifically has some light homophobia and may make you hate eddie but please do not make your final opinions until you read his perspective chapter. there's also tw's for alcohol/alcoholism mention
> 
> shout out to hazel, diana, and max for reading/helping and being good friends in general ilu guys
> 
> thank you again for reading please leave comments and kudos if you enjoy! the link for eddie's chapter will be at the end of this one <3

Every morning after that I woke up to the railroad card on my bedside table. And every morning after that I was reminded that my dweeb of a best friend liked me back as proven by him kissing me! On the mouth!

I’d have dreams about this before but never realised that I could actually be in a situation where it was my reality. Suddenly, high school didn’t scare me so much anymore. Nothing really scared me so much anymore. The biggest fear was that I would have to wait more than a few days to see Eddie again.

Unfortunately, after that 30 minute high as I awoke from slumber land I realised there were quite a few things I should be scared of now that my best friend knows I like him. Five of those things being the Losers aka my other best friends.

I know they’d accept Eddie. He’s like the baby Loser. Not in that he’s a child, he’s not even the youngest one, Stan is, but, when he still believed he had asthma and anything else his mother told him, we had to protect him from the “evils” of the outside world. We didn’t really want to but...he kind of forced us to. And we did it. Because we loved him.

Now that we know he doesn’t have asthma but that his mom is still convinced he does, we all use a delicate hand toward any decision he makes on his own. Support is something he rarely gets so the Losers decided that’s all they’re giving. Once he came to the clubhouse wearing red high track shorts telling us he’s going for the sporty look and no one said a word. I may have cried to Bev over a cigarette later that day that those are the saddest excuse for sporty shorts in existence but would never intentionally criticise him to his face.

We didn’t do this because he was fragile. On the contrary. We believed in everything Eddie did because if we dissented he simply wouldn’t care. He believed in everything he did. And no one would tell him otherwise. (Plus the shorts make him look cute, cute, cute!)

With me, on the other hand, the Losers would not be so kind to. I know Bev would accept me. Mike is my best friend and if he hadn’t found out already that I was crushing hard on Eddie he has proven his good listener badge of honour wrong. I talked about Eddie. A lot. Ben was sweet. But Bill hated change. Stan as well. And I didn’t want to risk getting kicked out of the only stable family I knew because I had to go and kiss my....brother? I don’t like this metaphor.

So by the end of each morning I decide that telling anyone was out of the picture. Maybe Eddie felt the same. Maybe we could just hide in games of Monopoly for four years. But I don’t know if he could like me that much. I don’t know anyone who could like me that much. But I definitely like Eddie that much. This is all too much.

———————————————————————

Eventually Friday rolled around. Time to face the music and see the lips that kissed mine not four days ago. I was anxious leaving my mom. I tried to find an excuse to stay home. She was, to put it nicely, a little boozy that night, so any help from her didn’t seem possible.

“Mom, I think I’m sick....I want to stay home...” I lied.

“For fuck’s sake Rich can you let a girl have one night home alone,” she said already with a bottle in hand pouring what was probably her seventh cup of the night.

I didn’t feel like fighting. I didn’t want to worsen the already pretty painful scene in front of me. Plus I was proud of my mom. She was drinking at home and not going out. I’ve had to see police at my door a good amount less than usual lately and I wasn’t complaining.

So, I told her, “Okay Mom. I’m gonna be back tomorrow. Do you want me to get anything on the way home?”

But she wasn’t really listening. She was calling her “friend” probably asking him to come over. Maybe it was good I’d be out tonight.

I got on my bike trying to muster the courage to put feet on the pedal and I heard a bike bell ring from down the street. From the corner I saw the ringer of the bell, and of my heart Eddie Kaspbrak.

He was wearing those dumb red shorts and a periodic table shirt which I thought was funny because he hated science. All in the fashion of being a loser I guess.

I rode down the driveway to him tentatively, my nerves poking holes in my chest telling me that this was the most important interaction I’ll ever have not like it’s just Eddie Spaghetti in front of me. I tried to calm myself as he slowed down in front of my house.

“‘ello guvnor!” I said in the best British accent a fourteen year old can do on this side of Maine but Eddie must have been jealous because his face scrunched up in disapproval.

“That was the worst accent I ever heard,” he said to hide his jealousy.

He reached out to touch my arm but my I wasn’t interested in the world having more reasons to look at us Losers by adding queer to the list so I flinched back. Then I remembered who was doing it. And how much I gave him noogies and kisses on the head and held him before I ever put into action that I liked him (at least consciously).

His hurt look from my flinch faded when I wrapped my arms around his middle and lifted him off his bike seat a foot in the air to give him a giant hug. It disappeared more or less from me not being able to see it but I think he was happy by the change in touch.

I set him down and asked, “You ready to go, Spaghetti?”

His face was flush with happiness and the cutest smile and nodded “Mmhmm.” before we sped off.

Nothing feels more like freedom than riding through the cool summer afternoon right before sunset with my best friend (and object of my affection) standing on our bikes and yelling about who’s better at Street Fighter while smelling the scent of the trees on the cusp of autumn. It seemed too perfect to be true, the feeling that comes with absolute freedom. And sharing that freedom made me momentarily forget about the man staying over with my mom tonight and the mess I’d have to clean up tomorrow morning. His presence could even make me forget the fact that we’d have to see our friends in ten minutes and either tell them the truth and face whatever reaction they had or hide the best thing that’s happened to me all summer.

But right now I wasn’t thinking about that. I was thinking about Eddie and the wind blowing through his soft straight hair. Hair that gets a little curly when it’s slept on and left uncut for a short amount of time. I wonder whenever he gets out of Sonia’s grasp if he’ll let it grow out. I root for a curly 20s Eddie. But maybe not too much because he might be snapped up by anyone with good taste.

I realised I was staring at him ahead of me for just a second too long when a stone in my path became a stone under my bike. I skid to a halt and, thankfully, didn’t flip over but tumbled to the side off my bike like the klutz am.

I scraped my elbow and twisted my ankle but what hurt the most was my pride at the moment. Eds stopped as soon as he heard the crash of my bike hitting the ground and ran to see what mess this idiot got into.

“Oh my gosh Richie, you idiot, are you okay???” he said in a caring voice with just a hint of scolding that I can accept because he’s a cutie when he’s angry.

“Just sprained my ankle. But thankfully the fall let me keep my funny bone,” I joked badly because my ankle was throbbing.

Eddie came to kneel beside me looking in his fanny pack for probably eighteen different scrape remedies. Despite his mom being a terror in his life, she did instil in him the means to deal with a group of fourteen year olds who jump off cliffs for fun.

I suddenly remembered where we were: at the back of a row of houses all with fences, the front of us woods and still five minutes away from the clubhouse in the Barrens. I took this opportunity to grab Eddie’s face with my non-scraped hand and turn him from frantically trying to find his Neosporin so he could look at me.

“Hey, Eds. You know what would make me feel better?” I smirked at him and he turned light pink considering what I was going to say next.

“That’s nice Richie but you’re actually bleeding at the moment so I don’t think-“ he tried to turn his head to find the pesky ointment when I decided all my kisses with Eddie were going to be cutting him off from his monologues.

I leaned up and pressed my lips to his; smiling as he seemed very worked up. He didn’t stay that way for long, though, taking his fanny pack hand up to mine to grab it where it rested on his cheek. He smiled as he kissed back too.

It lasted too short, as most Eddie kisses seemed to, and he pulled back and asked, “Can I stop you from bleeding out now?”

“I’m all yours, Doc.” I smiled up at him, regrettably moving my hand from his face so I could prop myself up on my other arm while he patched up the wound.

He blushed for a second and got back being the genius he was delicately cleaning, bandaging, and securing my arm.

While he was putting everything back into his fanny pack and standing up I attempted to do so as well, resulting in me almost falling again if not for Eddie catching my shoulders knocking into his. If it would’ve been more graceful it would teeter into being romantic, but we’re two fourteen year old klutz’ so it was far from cutesy.

“Woah there Richie are you sure you can ride to the clubhouse?” Eddie asked as I stabilised on my one good ankle.

“Are you offering to carry me?” I wagged my eyebrow at him for a second before wincing because I tried again to stand on my probably badly sprained ankle.

“I think that might raise some suspicions. Also I’m about as strong as a piece of string. But I’ll try to be a crutch.” he said, putting his shoulders under my left arm to help me straighten myself. We grabbed our bikes and slowly hopped/dragged them on their way.

“Raise suspicions that you’re strong enough to hold Richie Tozier?” I asked joking but genuinely wondering what he meant by that.

“No,” he punched me lightly in the side, “but if we’re going to keep kissing in secret I definitely don’t want to give anyone the idea that we are in public,” he said matter of factly.

I stopped hopping and turned to him inquisitively. Eddie was brave. It was strange to hear him say so definitely he was going to keep something a secret I thought he’d be excited to share.

“You don’t...you don’t even want to tell the Losers?” I laughed trying not to sound too disappointed.

“I mean, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to ruin our good friendships by making them think we’re a couple of homos.” he laughed in the most ingenuous way there’s no way I could believe what he was saying.

I took my arm off of his shoulders and hopped to turn toward him. “Are you saying we’re not? I think that’s kind of the definition of kissing your male best friend.” I said, a bit too snappy but ultimately confused about the whole situation.

I didn’t want to tell the Losers, yes. But I didn’t want them to know because I didn’t think they’d like that I was changing the group dynamic. Not that I thought they wouldn’t be okay with the idea of homosexuality in the group in general. That they wouldn’t love me and Eddie if we admitted to not being like the rest of them. When the whole point of the Losers is that we’re not like the rest of anyone.

His face looked offended in a way I’d never seen it before as he said, “Richie. Being gay is wrong. Everyone knows that and our friends aren’t just going to ignore that because their hypochondriac and jokester friends are smooching on the side.”

I was pretty taken aback by this whole interaction. He didn’t even think this was something right we were doing? What was even the point? I guess there was none.

“Well fine,” I bit back low, attempting to get back on my bike. “I guess we’ll stop ‘smooching’. See you at the clubhouse Eddie.”

I was pissed this is how he felt. I was just coming to terms with how I felt and he felt like we were just a dirty little secret. Not even a valid emotional connection could make something that feels so right stop it from being wrong for him. I have to wonder if perfect parent Sonia Kaspbrak put this idea in his mind. Surely he knows that the love we have for each other isn’t wrong.

I don’t fucking know anymore but I do know I can’t get back on this bike. I tried and failed for two whole minutes and said screw it and just used the bike as my new crutch going to the clubhouse.

I didn’t look back but I heard no movement behind me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the link to this chapter but in eddie's perspective is [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26071219/chapters/63782530).
> 
> harrass me on tumblr [@ridinonmyskateboard](https://ridinonmyskateboard.tumblr.com) or twitter [@staniel_uris](https://twitter.com/staniel_uris) :-)


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